So some of you might be scratching your head, wondering how you got this letter from me. Well, about seven months ago, you signed up.
And then I never wrote to you.
So that worked out well, didn’t it?
Let’s get that cleared up from the start: I am really, really sorry. What a shit I was to never have written to you. You’re so great and I know we’re going to get along. Truly, I feel worse than the person who decided to cancel Gilmore Girls. Big mistake. Huge.
Anyway, the reason I went AWOL is because I kind of did go AWOL, mentally, at least. I took a job I wasn’t really ready for, what with having a then-two-year-old at home and all. It was full-time, but more than that, it was full-on, with the expectation that I would always be on, and always be ready to work. In the first few months, the adrenaline of that seemed fine and fun, but after a while, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was not for me. I had become addicted to my phone. I checked email and Instagram constantly, afraid of missing anything and feeling guilty (contender for understatement of 2016) that I was at home with my child (um, hello?) and not in the office. I spent quite a few nights wondering how I could get to sleep when I had endless to-do lists marching through my mind. I went to events that were sparkly and expensive and full of lovely people but I couldn’t really enjoy them because I didn’t want to be there.
I felt terribly guilty (new contender) for not being with my child, who I missed in a way I hadn’t really fathomed before. I couldn’t enjoy the time we did spend together, because I felt so bad about all the time we didn’t. It was not good. I was sad. Miserable, really (this letter is getting off to a fun start, isn’t it?). And I knew I couldn’t keep doing it forever.
So one day late last year, when I tried to address some of these things with my boss, and she told me that I didn’t have a job, I had a “lifestyle”, I quit. And I have never felt more relieved (with the possible exception of the last ten seconds of childbirth) than in that moment. It felt like being really hot and sticky and uncomfortable… and then having a blissfully cool shower.
I’m freelancing now, because I decided that, in addition to not really loving my job sick, I want to be an author. Like, a full-time author. Scary, right? It may never happen but maybe it will, and the only way I will find out is by giving it a crack. It also means I have more time (in theory) to write to y’all. And I’m really excited by that, because I have always wanted to have a space that’s all my own, where I can write about the stuff I care about and think is funny and want to show you. As this letter grows (forward to your friends!), I hope to feature interviews and guest posts and other cool things I definitely have not thought of yet.
Here’s what I’ve been reading:
Oh my god, it’s the 18th anniversary of Spice World. Where does the time go, guys?
Anti-vaxxers aren’t telling people their kids haven’t been vaccinated and it’s a “big problem”. One doc says we should stop “vilifying” anti-vaxxers, but I can’t get on board with that – vaccination has been proven, time and again, to reduce infant mortality and death, disability and disease in the general population. Also, it does not cause autism. So let’s look at who is really missing out here: parents who are “vilified” or kids who miss out on potentially life-saving medicine?
The Grub Street Diet is one of my favourite reads on the internet. Basically, a semi-famous person talks us through their weekly diet. The genius of it is that there’s never any health angle – it’s simply about the love of food and eating, and it’s often a really fascinating glimpse into that person’s life. This week, it’s Melissa Weller from the very cool Sadelle’s in New York, and it’s very, very good (even if she does drink decaf).
My husband and I watched Grace and Frankie and were reminded of the brilliance of Lily Tomlin (and Jane Fonda and Sam Waterston and Martin Sheen). It’s on Netflix now.
The future of food is here (well, almost) and it’s all about automated latte art. Ugh, pass.
This is a little old now, but this New York mag feature on Beginnings is just such great journalism. Famous people on how they got their start – as in, the exact moment they knew life was going to change. There’s Jerry Seinfeld, Connie Britton(Tami Taylor to y’all) and the wildly funny author Sloane Crosley (who talks about the challenge of trying to be a novelist while holding down a full-time job publicising other people’s work.)
Again, a bit old now, but this piece on the sisterhood of women who worked atPlayboy magazine… well, who doesn’t want to read that?
I hope your Sunday starts with an excellent breakfast and maybe involves cake and definitely features a hard-earned glass of vino around the 4pm mark.
Til next week!